Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize