last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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