i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
