i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
