Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
