You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
