I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
