I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
My bed smells like the plague
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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