Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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