I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Less talking, more tequila
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
