where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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