college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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