I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
birth control should be required to get into college
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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