True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
This gyro tastes like lonliness
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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