are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Just took my morning after pill in the library
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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