I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
