I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Randomize
