I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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