Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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