i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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