she sounds like chewbacca in bed
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
