found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
