That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
