At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize