Jerry, you need to find god
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
