I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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