i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize