okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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