I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i just wanna soil my oats bro
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
