well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i just google imaged poop.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
