U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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