Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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