So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
