Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
