Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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