Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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