My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
