ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Randomize
