lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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