Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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