I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize