I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
