haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
