I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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