A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
