Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
