He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
