I feel like I'm in dance class right now
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
