so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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