so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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