Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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