I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
