I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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