On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize