so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
