I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
