dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Randomize
