i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
My pussy is not your playground.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
