Will you blow on my dice?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
