Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
