The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
