You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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