I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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