In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
