Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize