And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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