What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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