Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
