nut hugger
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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