i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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